Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Hairless and why.

Gawker again, in his goose egg blog, says there's a reason we're not hairy. Because we've evolved. Because we wouldn't get laid if we were hirsute, which comes from the words hir, meaning "People" and sute, meaning "that look like magnified armpits".

And I commented:
Oh but you have not met some people I know, who, in the hair department, have refused to evolve, but have succeeded in getting noogie, largely because of the concept of:

Arranged marriages.

Yes, getting laid was not a problem because someone in the Indian 'we know best' department long back said "No looking before marriage", and then beat his chest and roared because, let's face it, unevolved habits die hard.

So your average hairy male gets snogged and hay-romped, because, let's face it, she's not going to see anything before the marriage, and even most of the "after" because of purdah/aanchal/sehra/whatever. Also proves why a lot of women sprout like, well, whatever sprouts very often.

But there's a reason mythological figures like Ram, Laxman, Arjuna and all that were sorta less hairy. They had to go through svayamwars.

(Let's just say there was enough extra-marital stuff happening to these guys also. Kunti said the Pandavas were born from a "boon" granted to her. Ahem. Probably a less hairy boon than others.)

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense to me. Why are Indian men ugly? Again, arranged marriages. No woman in her right mind would choose hairy gorilla man for her husband if she didn't have her father telling her it's either hairy gorilla man or lack of external body parts. Consider now that most Indians have nearly all body parts intact. What option would she have chosen?

Maybe there's a reason they call him a "BrideGroom". He was for the Bride to Groom.

You may think: Maybe it was the inbreeding. Because that would only account for the insanity so prevalent in Indian society that people, even today, honk their car horns for no practical reason. Earlier, when there were only villages and farms, they used to ring the cow's bells, because, let's face it, it was quite lonely out there and even cousins were in short supply.

So while hair loss is an evolutionary thing, we stymied it with our ancient rituals. But when we do let Darwin take the course, men would become bald. And then, as we noticed in our world famous "One Night SHIFT-2 the Call Center", women would "reject" them unceremoniously, since arranged marriages allow people to now see photos of their US based to-bes, and talk to them on the phone.

You have to have the right amount of hair. Baldness is good only when applied to chin, cheek and nose. Not good when applied to skull, eyebrows, hands and legs.

"Chest" is debatable. Salman Khan has no hair on chest. But also the process of evolution in his case, has been debated to not have gone the distance. Or maybe the subject in question evolved from a non-hairy animal, such as the Crab.

Oh, we've received an legally notarized email from the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Crabs.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Deepak again,

Here's one woman's point of view, more skin + less hair = more sexy. Get it.

The same Anon

12:52 AM, January 26, 2006  
Blogger Deepak Shenoy said...

I wish you'd told me this when I was in the sixth grade and severely envious of classmates who would get beards by the end of the first class, even if they'd shaved in the morning. And I would spend weekends looking for potential follicles on the chin so that I could coerce them to sprout.

Now I hate the very habit of shaving and do so largely because I have been notified that lack of applied razor = grounds for divorce.

Less hair = very sexy when applied to women also. From a guy's point of view.

4:16 PM, January 26, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're right hair on face is an absolute no-no. For me atleast. I haven't met a lot of women who like beards. If you hate shaving then try waxing. OUCH - but very smooth results. Joking. Potential follicles - very funny. Come to think of it no hair anywhere is immensely better.

7:01 PM, January 26, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha ha - I just finished reading One Blight at the Call Centre and I loved your post on it. What irritated me most about this and the previous Five Points up your ass was the constant general statements about women. All women do this. Women are always doing that. CB desperately needed a girlfriend when he was in IIT.

3:46 AM, January 27, 2006  

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