Wednesday, November 08, 2006

News and views on November 7

It seems to be quite long since I posted. I was sitting around doing nothing; don't ever be under the presumption that I was too busy to write, but I was too held up with way too many happenings around town and otherwise.

It is now Bengaluru

Yes, finally! The name of the town I live in is changed to Bengaluru and I live near Cunninghamu Roadu. My office is near Cubbonu Roadu, behind Manipalu Centeru and opposite the Coffee-u day-u. I like-u.

The fascination with parochial names isn't something to be belittled though. By simply changing the name of the city to what it was about 200 years ago, we have now brought the city's name in tune with the available infrastructure, some of which was still slightly better 200 years ago. For instance, there are roads. Or there used to be, for what exists now is a lot of potholes stitched together with tar. 200 years ago, they didn't even know what Tar was. Or at least, they called it tar-u. But I can bet that the roads were better then, simply because nothing can be worse than this.

In any case, I'm going to enjoy the name change and the gazillion people getting unhappy that "benglaur" was so much better and bang-galore kinda sounded like a place to get some nookie, like bangkok, except in bangkok it was legal. The biggest screamers are those that are so unaffected by the name that even if the authorities called the city upsky-dipsky-dang it would make as much effect on their lives as a mosquito does on an elephant. (For those of you unfamiliar with the size difference, you "squish" a mosquito, and an elephant "squish"es you).

India lost and Darrell lost his hair

So what's new, you ask. Good question. We lost again to Australia, which is by far the biggest bully in the cricketing world. But they deserve to be, because they are elephants in a land of mosquitos. That stupid metaphor again. I must be seeing too much of Sidhu.

So I'm rightfully happy when the whole world got back at Australia by sacking its umpire. Darrell Hair can no longer officiate, they've said, and chances are that the three big guys - India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka - asked for Hair's removal for being unfair. I agree with that because a) He's made decisions I would struggle to explain without an element of bias against the "brownies", and b) when your sport's biggest sponsors feel that way, you gawd-darn well give in.
Delhi mein traders ko shop bandh karne ka order

Honestly, that's how they report it. Two words of Hindi, one of English. Eventually there will just be Hinglish channels and that's all you get, tum miserable log.

The Supreme Court has finally decided to wear the pants in the Great Indian Family and tell shopkeepers that:
a) You can't buy a house and convert it to a shop
b) If you've done it, you can't hold us to ransom by violently protesting against us sealing these shops

Quite laudable, this stand. I feel for the traders - after all, they are people trying to eke out a living, though I find it difficult to sympathise with those that come to protest in their mercs. Anyhow, the real point is that they should be given time till January, they say, and that in the new "master plan" their shops may be in commercial territory and therefore, legal. Not a bad stand, that, but in the background of the fact that they'd been given a YEAR to fix things, it's fairly shaky ground they're on.

Well, they can't hold the city to ransom, period. And we finally have a set of people who won't give in to such terrorism. I just wish the Supreme Court could handle situations like Kargil and the Kandahar hijack. We'll be in a far better situation, perhaps.

America is voting for Congress

And India has already voted for them.

Saddam's last sigh... that he's not being shot, he's being hanged. Both ways, he's dead as a doornail. The world is perhaps a better place without him. Unfortunately for us, there are ways he will live on; as a martyr, as a saint. For those that will use his death to incite others to fight against what everyone knows is the stupidest country in the world.

First you say we're going to get this guy because he's got weapons of mass destruction. Then you get him. And you don't get these weapons of mass destruction. Then you let hundreds of your soldiers and thousands of Iraqis die; in spite of the fact that your soldiers don't know why you're there, and the Iraqis hate you. And you hold a trial in which he goes berserk and does the equivalent of a broadway play for the Iraqis, after which you pronounce his death sentence. Very nice, but we're full up with stupid tricks in this country already, so don't try to sell us yours.

The Revenge of the Courts

Yes, the courts are at it again. Priya Mattoo's killer has been sentenced to death, for bludgeoning her with a helmet (which incidentally are back in favour in Bangalore) (Not the bludgeoning, the helmets, you oaf). The highly influential Santosh Kumar Singh, who killed Mattoo ten years ago, has been sternly told that such an offence can be very harmful to your life, and exactly how. He's going to the big kaboozah in the sky, and he can have a good time discussing helmet related injuries with Saddam.

In other news, Ram Jethmalani is defending Manu Sharma, another well known killer, who is allegedly not a killer because Ram Jethmalani said so.

And finally...

...I will turn 32 soon. It's not a moment to be happy. I will tell you why on another day, another time. But what is to be happy is that I will be a father in three months.

It's official. And I'm excited and scared. Happy and Tentative. We have left no room for innocence.

Yet, it's got my genes, so hopefully this'll all go behind a big smile and a hearty laugh. And that moment, I swear, I will cherish for the rest of my life.


Anonymous Just Mohit said...

Didn't know abt the turning 32 part...don't know why you shouldn't be happy! Will discuss this over beer in Dec...
As regards the baby, Congrats once again! ;-)

4:23 AM, November 08, 2006  
Anonymous chipmunk said...

I hope the baby is born a piscean...its been a while since i have read something so amusing and yet amazing like the following lines: "We have left no room for innocence...Yet, it's got my genes"

haha, do all parents feel the same way I wonder? :D Congrats!

The supreme court has also started manufacturing Tshirts saying "Be nice to your wife/daughter and daughter-in-law!" lol good good...

8:17 PM, November 08, 2006  
Blogger Vasan said...

Unbeleivable, to think I remember the entire story (3rd grade? I don't think so. Because, I knew what the couple was doing in those ten seconds that we were supposed to be discreetly looking in the other direction. More like 8th or 9th grade, I would say. Despite my precociousness, 3rd is a stretch, with all due respects, Chippy.)

I also remember the inane questions in the quarterlies or half-yearlies that ensued: "Whose sacrifice do you think was higher: Della or Jim", and would you believe, I answered "Jim, because his watch cannot grow back".

I loved this story too.

But not really the brilliant language. In fact, I found the language too pompous:
"Flop down on the couch"? "Queen of Sheba"? Give me a break! "Forget the hashed metaphor"? Pity the author does not walk his talk. "Seemed quickly to wake" Sounds like Yoda!

With a thesaurus and a couple of hours, I can make it look more angrezi, if that's
what you prefer. Even without the thesaurus, my good friend Arnab (whose speaks Benglish), can better my clock.

I read the Unknown Indian blog, not because it has pompous English. I read it because there is stuff in it. Like this post, it was good to catch up on old silly memories. Or like the Walk From Office, it had something to say.

(BTW, you could add me to the list. 2930 steps, 2 steps a second, depending on traffic, 25 to 27 minutes. You do the math for the actual distance, but if you are wondering how does my walk depend on traffic: it is the time it takes to cross a particularly busy road.)

Back to the Magi: I can appreciate your sentiments, but as for me, I really don't wish I could write like that. But I do wish I could conjure up such a story. It's been almost 30 years, but the reason I remember the story is because of the story. Not the language.

2:25 AM, December 01, 2006  
Blogger Deepak Shenoy said...

vasan: I think it's a function of when you read this story - I read it when I was much older :) The language is pompous and that's what I love about it - the arbitrary pomposity. Not unnecessarily bombastic - I'm not fond of using long words just for the heck of it - but in this context it just works!

Btw, I loved your answer to the greater-sacrifice question! Also I will add you to that walkers list.

9:05 AM, December 01, 2006  
Blogger Vasan said...

Aha, I knew something was wrong. This comment went into the wrong post.

Perhaps and Fedora are strange bedfellows, and therefore they keep screwing each other up.

Perhaps it's Firefox, either becoming a haddi in the kebab, ... or making it a menage' a trois.

Perhaps this technology is just too much for me.

Perhaps I need reading glasses.

2:37 AM, December 21, 2006  

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