Thursday, October 16, 2003

A hair raising experience

We now have an established version of the facial hair earlier mentioned. Not that this is of any interest to anyone, but my feeling is that if I can't write stuff that's only interesting to me in my own blog, there's no point in doing anything. The unknown indian will remain unknown.

CG's come to a conclusion, after a long long argument, that women's bodies have a mass appeal. Amen, I say. It's not that's I have anything against the male body - I really can't afford to do that for risk of retribution by my own body to begin with - but it's the female "form" that is ludicrously exciting. Ludicrous because a set of curves doesn't really look that good on anything else. No, not even cars - "so you have a car, that don't impress me much". The problem starts when you look on the inside - men, in general, are clueless at this point. What, if anything, makes a woman what she is? What makes her think? What gives her the attributes that can completely defy logic at one point in time, and at another, make you feel like an utter bozo? And what makes her know that she can just wink this and move that and suddenly a man is reduced to a moving blob of hormones? They say we've evolved but really, men become quite indistinguishable from amoeba when a woman does her little number. Except perhaps the saliva.

It's a wonder I'm being paid. I haven't really worked over the last week. There's a lot of depressing activities like people getting married. Someone did today - and as far as I remember she was my first crush. Not counting that poor girl in my 3rd standard classroom who I kissed right in front of everybody else - I don't even know her name. But man she must've been the absolute first woman that got me going, and the entire gender's kept it up since then.

The question making the rounds today is "Will it ever happen". Marriage. Long term relationship. I'm not sure. I'm just paranoid that I'll get the wrong girl. Or even, as Arun puts it, a "womban kokkey female". I can't leave something this big to my mom - sorry, you brought me up and all, but somewhere along the way my mind has wandered into unchartered territory. No, I amn't gay and all that - I still prefer the female "form". (Doubts? Internet cache available as proof) But I'm not sure Mom can find someone for me - plus of course there are things like horoscopes and parents and family which I don't really want to get involved with.

Okay, so what am I looking for? Someone who's fun to be with. Who'll rap me on the knuckles when I do my rounds of the insanity corridors. Who'll laugh and give me that imperceptible nod of approval when I crack a good one. And what d'ya do about the ghazals? The reading between the lines of the songs you listen to? Er...yes, of course, there's got to be a poetic end somewhere, and a connect on the passion. Jobs I don't care about - I don't think I'm going to be working in this industry for the rest of my life. Oh yeah, and she should like to travel. I'd like to show her the Norways, the New Zealands and even the Ramnagars. I'd like to be able to talk about anything - complain, crib or scream; laugh, flirt or embarass. I'd like to be able to listen, even if I only pretend to - and I'd like to get listened to, even if it's a pretense. Too much to ask for? Probably, but that's me, isn't it? I've always wanted something, and looked until I found it. Now, I only know what I DON'T want...I know the problems in what's been there, and in what might have been. I know where I screwed up, and I know now what I am. I can't ask for more, but I won't settle for less. And on my end, I promise: 70 Kgs by Jan 2004.

77 right now, down from 84. I'm getting there. Oh, and please don't count the beard.

Update 10/10/2005: I'm married now, and I don't know what I was making such a fuss about - I fell in love with Sunila just a few days after we met. Maybe a few hours. I dunno. But it's so much fun now. And she likes even when I'm back to 85 Kgs.