Sunday, April 06, 2003

Body language, cancerians and other strange phenomena

Today was the day of the jackal. Let me begin at the beginning. Like there's anywhere else to start.

It began at lunch. The stones concert got me out too late. Lunch was with someone who looked like a goddess, but will not allow me to say it. Let's just say Suzie is one lucky bastard. Doesn't it always feel good when someone who's got an absolute lemon in life has one singular, no-frills, all thrills, happy go lucky sort of day? I don't know what it was, but someone was at the peak of dumb-smile-ness today. And it made me happy.

Oh yes, it started to rain. The weather was extravagantly romantic. And I was in the office, for heaven's sake. We just couldn't take it any has got to have more meaning, dammit. So we played cluedo. Which was fun, even though it made me think. Gets you thinking though - I'm starting to enjoy playing cluedo on a breezy, windy, totally morantic day. I'm frikking growing old, dammit. But then, who the frik cares.

Evening was gym time - and boy have I got muscles or have I got muscles. The answer to both questions, as I found out, was a resounding NO. I prefer to say I'm proteinaciously challenged. That Mr. India guy was there, but he had to back off in the corner and do his 5000 kg bar dead lift with one hand while drinking water with his other, and probably simultaneously talking on the cell phone, which I didn't notice because I was too busy lifting my entire upper body for the (beat this, dude) SECOND situp.

Then I was supposed to have a couple drinks, which got vetoed by a call from Viren who said "Barista. Women.". Or something close. So I went. Met a guy who started analysing everyone's body language and saying "He's talking to his girlfriend on the phone. I know because he's pointing his LEFT toe 45 degrees away from Mecca, and his nose is aligned towards Timbuktoo, which gives you ample evidence that he's thinking of love". Duh. How could I be so stupid, I think. Anyways, the women were cute, so who cares. There was this I-was-born-learning-russian dudette, who knew her spasiba's and dosvidaniya's. And then this extremely giggly woman, who'd laugh if you said "bldfjslkdfjfdf". I know because I tried. So we went from body language to cancerian's and scorpio's and cusp's and how people who are cancerians will never propose unless you have a third party bring them together, which defeats the purpose according to me, because if you need a third party to help you propose, what are you going to do when you need to have kids, but the sun-sign crowd were lapping all this and asking surreally philosophical questions like "so what about taureans". To which I butt in "Some taureans are very beautiful. So are you a taurean? No? Ah, Cancerian. Okay, some cancerians are very beautiful" which wasn't as prophetic but I thought it was pretty much on the dot. I'm sure I scored some points there, but you never know. The women nowadays. Never know what will ever impress them. Whoever thought of woman's lib has got to have her brain up her posterior. Don't you see, if women were inferior, why would men be practically insulting themselves to get the slightest gleam of "I'm impressed" happen to a woman's eyes?????

So the next time you tap your foot incessantly, stop. That means you're gay, or that you're sexually deprived. Or both. Come to think of it, getting rejected by a gay person must be the absolute insult. First you give up on an entire sex and decide to go for your own kind, and then you get the big middle finger?

To set the record straight, I'm still on the straight path. Gay might be politically correct, but women have far better looking breasts.


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